Here we have a tasty burnt Crossiant, 2 peeled oranges and some Cheese n Onion Bugle crisps and a proper Cafeteria Coffee mmmmmmm.
So its not a Full English and its not that French either, but its creative and thats what counts.
Easily the worst day in France so far, since all the rest have been great, but this day was Hell on earth. Not so much it was France's fault, everything just went wrong today, but its Monday and thats law I guess.
At least there is this Brocoli Soup for speedy recoveries. This has every super food in it and is the cure of common colds.
I like this pic of Kate, but you can see down her top, so she needed a censor bar there.
After already wasting the entire weekend lying on the floor buried under a pile of snotty Balsam tissues whatever that is, woke up to a migraine and sore throat the equivalent of swallowing a chainsaw whilst plugged in.
Kates packing to visit her parents and checking everything is in her bag... and Im trying NOT to blow my nose in case it gets anymore red. My lips cracked in the night because they went dry and I had a nightmare about murdering someone to which I woke up and grabbed Kates arm a bit too tight, but its ok because she has strange waking up procedures...
If you creep into the room quietly, she will shoot up like a rocket like OMG WHOSE THERE!?
But if you take a running long jump and drop kick her in the head, she will stay fast asleep.
Its the same with farts. Small ones that hardly make any sound will wake her up instantly, but blow like a fog horn and she wont even flinch.
Anyway, the phones not working, so looks like emails only today.
Ah! E-mail from the bank, finally my account is ready... but its addressed to MC POODLE wtf !?
Will have to call them and wait in a que for 30 minutes again before a French person answers and forwards me onto someone else.
Tried cleaning the apartment and notice my Keys not in my pocket... But I do remember asking Kate to look after my Key whilst I ate that sandwhich the other day, which was in her bag, which is on the way back to England with her... Great! <sigh>
Luckily Kate got my text message just in time to let her know the situation which upset her cause she felt guilty which obviously made me feel guilty cause she was guilty, but she said she'd left the key at Eurostar station with a lady called Alyia who was black and had long hair. Now I have to get dressed and take 2 trains to get to this Eurostar place to collect the key with a limited stock of tissues in my pocket and up me nose to hold off the leakages, and a very dizzy vision.
I shut the apartment door, but its not locked of course, buy 2 tickets as advised by the man with the large bald head and tash and get on a train. The cold has blocked up my head so bad that me balance is well off and I walked into a wall like this >>>
Coming to a ticket gate, my ticket decides not to work and then 5 people decide to jump OVER the ticket machine with ninja skills not even making a sound as they landed and ran on through. The Large headed bald man with tash looks at me and smiles as if nothing just happened even though he blatently just saw 5 ninjas jump over the gate for free. He obviously didnt really care... I wasnt the type to ninja flip and I wasnt going to pay for another ticket, so I backed up to the exit door like Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell and ran through like a nutter as some old man was coming out. He was moving slowly, so I didnt have to use ninja jumps.
Now im on the train and realise its going the wrong way...
Get on another train and start sleeping in my seat from the rocking motion of the subways. When I open my eyes, tons of people are packed in the carriage and I can see my destination stop outside the window.
As I got up from the seat, it was one of them flip up ones (Like mouse-trap) and it bounced onto the back making a rather loud bang which made the whole carriage look at me. I stand waiting for the doors to open and realise theres a handle. AGHHH Quickly grabbing the handle, (too late) there is a click and its locked again. People start laughing (lol) I knew even at the time how bloody funny this would look (From someone elses perspective)...
Im now grunting trying to open up the door and the train starts again. F*"£%"! CRAP I say turning to see 100 eyes on me. Never mind (forgetting Im speaking to French people and they might not understand my mouth words anyway) and went to sit back down on that dam fold up seat, but oh yeah... the seat had already flipped up and was no longer there, so as my ass reversed onto a non existant seat, which I fell straight down to the floor with both feet up in the air. I dont think I could have gone much redder at this point and was beyond dizzy from knocking me head all day so I stood up and decided to use my bestest drunkness acting. The train stops (And I was getting off this carriage no matter where the next stop was) and I stumble out the train singing like a drunk English man whilst the French were biting their lips trying not to laugh.
Get to Eurostar and look for Alyia, but going by the description I had, it wasn't going to be easy because every person who worked here was black, female and had long hair. I went from one to the next asking for Alyia and no-one knew who she was, until of course the last one... a very smiley Alyia stuffed into the last ticket box with a pretty good English accent.
So your Alyia? I ask?
Yes she says, how can I help
You have a key for me please.. to my apartment?No sorry, what do you mean?
My fiancee left my key here for me to collect from you earlier todayWhose your fiancee?
Kate LewisNever heard of her
Ok, is there any other Alyia's that work here?I dont think so
.......
Please I need my key so that I can get back inside my home, otherwise I will be stuck in outside and have to sleep with the tramps! Do you know if anyone else may have it??Have what?
THE KEY PLEASE?!?Ahhh! The one in the office?
erm, YES that one please?Ok wait here...
Goes off mumble, mumbleHow do I know who you are?
.. Im Steve
Ok can you prove that?
Yes heres my passport
Thanks one moment please....
Ok and whose the name of the person whose coming to collect the key?
I AM !!!!!???Are you sure?
Is this is a joke?Ok can you confirm the name of your fiancee please?
KatherineHere is your key sir, have a nice day.
Merci Beaucoup
