Bloggins cinq - Wall tats, Video game Heaven and The Red Monk

First French lesson out the way... oh mon dieu!

The teacher was only here today to find out how good I was with French... Which isn't very good... yet.

The whole French lesson was spoken in French from the word Bonjour (Hang on, aren't I meant to be taught this first?) I think he got angry because all my answers were oui or non. I explained to him that I nearly sold my girlfriend to the waiter before because I got my words the wrong way round and he is working extra hard to ensure this doesnt happen again.

(Update: Its been a week and I dont think hes coming back lol)

This is the first attempt of me cooking since living in France, and almost my FIRST attempt...

Tasted better than it looked though believe! The Meaty lump is chicken I think, then there is Asparagus mmmm and some green stuff which said Legumes (Vegtables) on the packet.

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Here is the nice little restaurant called GAP, which can be found next to the cafe FUKA >>>

But there can be only one place to eat... It is known as 'THE LIZARD CAFE' found in the shopping district les Halles...

There's every type of meal on the menu from Squids to American Burgers to English Beef.

We both saw what was on the table next to us and ordered the same. One Chunky, proper meat burger with Real French mustard made from scratch, runny egg n crispy chips with seasoning... dam even the lettuce tasted special! When I took a look under the baps... I saw it was bleeding a bit. BUT this is 'Well-done' in France. (If you want no blood, you 'Must' ask for burnt) Didnt think I would be able to handle the blood, but after Kate took a bite like the vampire she is, her eyes went all Triangle shaped and sparkly, I could see that she was in heaven, and tried it... I would like a pint of blood next time please... WOW The taste was so good my armpit hair nearly exploded!

Anyway, there was this normal looking electronics and dvd store in the mall (similar to HMV)... Except this one has rather hard looking a Gay/Lesbo section. (Kinky French types yet again...) Strange that there were some rather explicit covers on shelves only a foot from the floor. Even the fella in the push chair got an eyeful as he was wheeled past. Caught this chap in the photo taking a cheeky peak at a lesbo dvd

Lost gurler in this large shop, but found her again watching 3D Hamsters being chased on the latest technology 3D TV's out there. Here shes looking quite concerned for the Hamster cause it nearly got run over.

GRAFFITI can be a problem in Paris as its on everything. Even the cars!!! I will definetely never own a car thats for sure. Also the cars park bumper to bumper... literally! More than a few times, I've seen cars or vans slowly reverse into the parked cars and push them out the way to make room for parking!?

BUT... there were some people that were doing Graffiti to cover over old stuff and make it look better than just plain bricks n scribble. They were actually pretty amazing artists too.

Heres some shots of their work:

The one below says on his head "Legal for all" talking about the Graffiti...

Stranger still is this shop window display that "Looks" like a baby being crucified and its heads fallen off. They were advertising childrens toys and child safety :S

Remember that old attic room that cost about 300 Euros a month, but it was literally a dark empty attic... Well bump the price up a little higher and look what nearly quarter a million Euros will get you here...

1 ROOM studio apartment, furnished with student looking furniture. Just wow... its SOOOO Expensive ! Double this price to get one of them Mansions on top of Portsdown hill. :S and Pompey's not exactly cheap nowdays...

Being abroad you always get people asking to bring back cheap booze n fags, but in Paris everythings more pricey, so it may not work like that. Sorry chaps!

Although Ill make the acception for Baby D  (Poo's wife 2 be...) who in the middle of the day, text me asking if I can back some Kinder Slices (lol!) (because they aren't for sell in England anymore...)  I was so impressed with your randomness that day Danny! Gotta check though... are these the ones? xx

I also found a picture of Lisa V at the bottem of my cup which scared my socks off. Imagine your having a shot of some turbo powered alchohol and then you see Lisa looking at you from the bottem of the cup? WTF! lol (see below...)

If your looking for Japanesey type gaming shops...

One road will rule them all (Just a shame about the bloody PRICES!!! Still its worth walking around. A bit

like a museum... only interesting!

 

This paticular shop is owned by a fella who travels to Japan, buys the games, then sells them here. What a nice guy!

 

Below is a great shot of Kate and that Master-Chief plonker. We dont like him.

Here is a beautiful Clip of Retro Video game road...

Seriously though, you need a good week to inspect each case indivually.

Apart from overdoing gym trying to catch myself up again by having a washboard stomach even Peter Andre would be envious of, I nearly passed out in the Oasis section of the local supermarket, but luckily Kate was handy to catch me.

Its so cold right now that even the dog pee on the wall has frozen. Kate is snug though as she has a special designed blanket she can wear. Combined with my hoodie and dark lighting, she did scare me when I got in...

Let there be cake's... (French ones please)

Disaster day...

I made Kate breakfast in bed yesterday...

 Here we have a tasty burnt Crossiant, 2 peeled oranges and some Cheese n Onion Bugle crisps and a proper Cafeteria Coffee mmmmmmm.

So its not a Full English and its not that French either, but its creative and thats what counts.

  Easily the worst day in France so far, since all the rest have been great, but this day was Hell on earth. Not so much it was France's fault, everything just went wrong today, but its Monday and thats law I guess.

At least there is this Brocoli Soup for speedy recoveries. This has every super food in it and is the cure of common colds.

I like this pic of Kate, but you can see down her top, so she needed a censor bar there.

After already wasting the entire weekend lying on the floor buried under a pile of snotty Balsam tissues whatever that is, woke up to a migraine and sore throat the equivalent of swallowing a chainsaw whilst plugged in.

Kates packing to visit her parents and checking everything is in her bag... and Im trying NOT to blow my nose in case it gets anymore red. My lips cracked in the night because they went dry and I had a nightmare about murdering someone to which I woke up and grabbed Kates arm a bit too tight, but its ok because she has strange waking up procedures...

If you creep into the room quietly, she will shoot up like a rocket like OMG WHOSE THERE!?
But if you take a running long jump and drop kick her in the head, she will stay fast asleep.
Its the same with farts. Small ones that hardly make any sound will wake her up instantly, but blow like a fog horn and she wont even flinch.

Anyway, the phones not working, so looks like emails only today.


Ah! E-mail from the bank, finally my account is ready... but its addressed to MC POODLE wtf !?

Will have to call them and wait in a que for 30 minutes again before a French person answers and forwards me onto someone else.

Tried cleaning the apartment and notice my Keys not in my pocket... But I do remember asking Kate to look after my Key whilst I ate that sandwhich the other day, which was in her bag, which is on the way back to England with her... Great! <sigh>

Luckily Kate got my text message just in time to let her know the situation which upset her cause she felt guilty which obviously made me feel guilty cause she was guilty, but she said she'd left the key at Eurostar station with a lady called Alyia who was black and had long hair. Now I have to get dressed and take 2 trains to get to this Eurostar place to collect the key with a limited stock of tissues in my pocket and up me nose to hold off the leakages, and a very dizzy vision.

 I shut the apartment door, but its not locked of course, buy 2 tickets as advised by the man with the large bald head and tash and get on a train. The cold has blocked up my head so bad that me balance is well off and I walked into a wall like this >>>

Coming to a ticket gate, my ticket decides not to work and then 5 people decide to jump OVER the ticket machine with ninja skills not even making a sound as they landed and ran on through. The Large headed bald man with tash looks at me and smiles as if nothing just happened even though he blatently just saw 5 ninjas jump over the gate for free. He obviously didnt really care... I wasnt the type to ninja flip and I wasnt going to pay for another ticket, so I backed up to the exit door like Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell and ran through like a nutter as some old man was coming out. He was moving slowly, so I didnt have to use ninja jumps.

Now im on the train and realise its going the wrong way...

Get on another train and start sleeping in my seat from the rocking motion of the subways. When I open my eyes, tons of people are packed in the carriage and I can see my destination stop outside the window.

As I got up from the seat, it was one of them flip up ones (Like mouse-trap) and it bounced onto the back making a rather loud bang which made the whole carriage look at me. I stand waiting for the doors to open and realise theres a handle. AGHHH Quickly grabbing the handle, (too late) there is a click and its locked again. People start laughing (lol) I knew even at the time how bloody funny this would look (From someone elses perspective)...
Im now grunting trying to open up the door and the train starts again. F*"£%"! CRAP I say turning to see 100 eyes on me. Never mind (forgetting Im speaking to French people and they might not understand my mouth words anyway) and went to sit back down on that dam fold up seat, but oh yeah... the seat had already flipped up and was no longer there, so as my ass reversed onto a non existant seat, which I fell straight down to the floor with both feet up in the air. I dont think I could have gone much redder at this point and was beyond dizzy from knocking me head all day so I stood up and decided to use my bestest drunkness acting. The train stops (And I was getting off this carriage no matter where the next stop was) and I stumble out the train singing like a drunk English man whilst the French were biting their lips trying not to laugh.

Get to Eurostar and look for Alyia, but going by the description I had, it wasn't going to be easy because every person who worked here was black, female and had long hair. I went from one to the next asking for Alyia and no-one knew who she was, until of course the last one... a very smiley Alyia stuffed into the last ticket box with a pretty good English accent.

So your Alyia? I ask?

Yes she says, how can I help

You have a key for me please.. to my apartment?

No sorry, what do you mean?

My fiancee left my key here for me to collect from you earlier today

Whose your fiancee?

Kate Lewis

Never heard of her

Ok, is there any other Alyia's that work here?

I dont think so

....

...

Please I need my key so that I can get back inside my home, otherwise I will be stuck in outside and have to sleep with the tramps! Do you know if anyone else may have it??

Have what?

THE KEY PLEASE?!?

Ahhh! The one in the office?

erm, YES that one please?

Ok wait here...

Goes off mumble, mumble

How do I know who you are?

.. Im Steve

Ok can you prove that?

Yes heres my passport

Thanks one moment please....

Ok and whose the name of the person whose coming to collect the key?

I AM !!!!!???

Are you sure?

Is this is a joke?

Ok can you confirm the name of your fiancee please?

Katherine

Here is your key sir, have a nice day.

Merci Beaucoup

The key is mine and I have somewhere to sleep tonight, Kate can stop worrying now and I can have a shower n file shave some crust of my nose. xx

Blog 3: Shopping Zones, Amelie's Cafe and a gimp suit

Woke up this morning and went downstairs to see yet more poverty.. wait hang on, they actually looked a bit illegal. There was a family pulling out clothes from an old rusted charity clothes bin. The mother pulled out some binliners and handed them to her child (About 2 yrs old) who needed some help from his father opening it, but once done, they all started passing things to each other... It was sad to see the poor kids being involved in such a mess. Surely a family of four can get help from the government to at least have a home and some clothes? But that is why I thought, hmmm maybe they arent in Paris by normal procedures....

 

Anyway, today was already being too normal, so we are wandering along when Kate spots someone hanging their whole double bed and pillows out the window. ahhh :) Thanks for being so random Paris, I feel so at home now. Look >>>

Im sure there's logical reasons why people hang their double beds out of windows like they wet the bed and wanted to dry it maybe?

The other night was amazing cause when I got in from work, Kate made me a real Shepard Pie with runner beans. 1st time we have eaten at home. Very good results given the situations of our weird oven/cooker thing!

Kates a girl of many talents, she can bake a cake out of anything lying about and it will be good.

<<< These little buggers are the hire bikes!

Stick a Euro or 2 in the slot and you can ride them around all day long for free ! :O

We ordered a couple of Goat cheese bagettes from the big lady down the road somehow, but I wanted the steak and cheese with Capri Sun. Silly girl didnt understand my accents and I spoke with a French one too.

If you like the shopping, then you love 'Pyramides' zone. It has everything you could think to buy there!

 Now I made this little clip here for the biggest shopper in the world whose one of the smallest people I know. Lisa....

After shopping with no money, we went on a mission to find "The 2 Windmills" Cafe from the best film ever made of all time "Amelie"...

It took many attempts of asking in boulangerie's and magasin de fruits to actually find the place, but it was soooo worth it! Walking into the cafe was like being inside the film and the atmosphere was crazy thick. Was also the 1st time Id seen so many French people looking happy in one room (Other than Pigalle)

There were characters everyhwere in this place that you could draw. One old lady sat next to us with a dog on her lap, paws on the table n stuff? Posh or what!?

 

 

Amelie Cafe was amazing... Then we found a Jo Bodle's lamp! Check it >>

Very Moulin Rouge aye!

Ate the best selection of raw fish ever at a Sushi bar down the road and dropped the slimey poisson in the soy sauce a bit too high splattering it all over my white top. Its ok though, it looked designer like this.

The wine here however WAS vinegar we think... but then it was only 2 Euros for quite a large vase full.

Since we were soooo close to the district again and practically RAN through Pigalle last time, we thought.. ok I thought we should go back through the streets again to see all the pretty red lights. Found it quite entertaining seeing the old seedy men hanging around near the entrances of the clubs wearing trenchcoats and slyly peaking over the top to see if anyone was looking before they crept in for a peep show...

Kate nudged me at one point along the walk and I nearly fell through some curtains which is lucky really because on the other side was the gay spartacus room, whatever that was.

We did check out a sex shop in the end to see why everyone was making such a fuss about the place. The 1st dvd on display nearly made me vomit as it involved chains and old ladies, so we moved quickly through the dvd section, straight into... toys...

 Heres Kate looking rather disturbed at the worm shaped butt plugs LOL !!!

I found me a brand new gimp suit >>>

<<< and a mean mask

... >>>

yea... so we went to buy some milk and will you look at the price for a half pint of Beer at the local Lidel...

39 cents boi!

How many 39's would it take to get drunkard then?

 

Works going great so far, the studio's excellet and so are the games,

Bonsoir xx